


Your Heart is an Empty Room

by TSPrincxietyTrash



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Angst with a maybe happy ending?, Angst with an open ending let's say, Breakup, M/M, Post-Relationship Princxiety, Read at Your Own Risk, This is really sad, mental illness mention (1)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 05:19:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18176354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TSPrincxietyTrash/pseuds/TSPrincxietyTrash
Summary: Virgil and Roman are not together anymore but are still kind of friends.  They have a discussion about what happened and try to make sense of their feelings.





	Your Heart is an Empty Room

**Author's Note:**

> Angst ahead! Read at your own risk!

Virgil was sitting more or less upside down on the couch, his head dangling off the cushion, his sock-clad feet crossed at the ankle resting on the wall above as he scrolled on his phone trying to ignore the fact that all the blood in his body had long since rushed to his head and that it was, in fact, quite uncomfortable to sit this way.

 

This was how Roman found him when he came downstairs from his room to get a glass of milk and to take a break from studying.

“Hey Princey.”

“Greetings, Tall Dark and Dreary.” Virgil watched out of the corner of his eye as Roman navigated the living room and got what he wanted before sitting on the far end of the couch, observing Virgil quietly.

“What?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.  Roman shrugged, taking a sip of his milk.

“Just… doesn’t look awfully comfy, Virge,” he said, gesturing to Virgil’s position.  He shrugged as nonchalantly as he could manage, ignoring the twinge of pain in his back as he did so.

“It’s perfectly comfortable, thanks,” he responded coolly, eyes drifting back to his phone.  “How goes the studying?”

Roman sighed, running a hand through his thick caramel locks and ruffling them in the process.

“It’s great.  I should be just about ready to set the desk on fire any minute now.” Virgil smirked but said nothing and they sat in silence for a moment.  “Speaking of studying… shouldn’t you be…” Roman started but he abruptly cut himself off when Virgil turned his head uncomfortably to glare at him

“Don’t start Roman.” The other immediately raised his hands in surrender

“Okay, okay.  Forget I said anything,” he finished his drink and Virgil glared for a moment longer before turning back to his phone. 

 

A few minutes passed in silence while Virgil continued to tap on his phone and Roman sat and watched him, or stared blankly out of the window, until at last Virgil’s curiosity got the best of him.

“So… You just gonna sit there and stare at me or can I help you with something?” Virgil’s eyes slid over to observe his reaction as Roman shrugged, looking a little downtrodden.

“I dunno,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair again “I guess I just wanted to hang out with you a bit,” he added.  Virgil froze, looking at him for a moment.

“Oh.” Slowly, he swung his legs down and manoeuvred himself so that he was the right way up, his head spinning a little from the head rush.  “Are you okay?” Virgil asked lowly, sliding his phone in his pocket and watching Roman closely. 

The man in question sighed again and shrugged, avoiding Virgil’s gaze by staring intently at his own hands.

“I guess so, I just… I miss you.” Virgil shifted uncomfortably but nodded all the same.

“Yeah… I miss you too, Princey,” he admitted, dropping his own gaze now and picking at his already chipped nail polish.  Roman seemed to perk up a bit at that and he couldn’t hold back his fond smile.

“Have you been seeing anyone?” Roman asked, clearly trying to sound casual, but the very slight waver in his voice gave him away.  Virgil shook his head slowly.

“Of course not. You?” he was fairly certain of the answer, but he asked anyway. 

“No, Virge.” Virgil nodded, looking away again and biting his lip.

“Ro, are you… handling it okay?” he asked quietly, glancing over at his… friend to see his reaction.  He was frowning, looking thoughtful. 

“Honestly, I don’t know,” he shrugged, finally leaning back and looking at Virgil properly, his face open and vulnerable.  Virgil nodded again. 

“Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea for you to stay with us then.  I fucking _told_ Logan it was too soon-”

“No, Virge, it’s not, it’s fine.  I wanted to see you anyway,” Virgil smiled a little sadly, eyes searching Roman’s face as he smiled back.

“Do you remember the last time we kissed?” Roman asked out of the blue, his voice much more upbeat.  Virgil blinked at the change of pace, wracking his brain for the memory.

“Eh… I’m not sure I remember exactly which was the last one… am I supposed to remember that?” Roman smirked and shook his head

“It was on a Thursday.  I was just about to leave for class, you were still in bed on your phone, in that ratty MCR shirt you’ve had since you were 17 that you still look really good in. And I came in to say goodbye and you got up and kissed me, as if it were the most normal thing in the world, as if it were habit.  As if it was something we’d be doing every day for the rest of our lives,” Roman paused as Virgil stared at him with wide eyes, hardly daring to breathe.  “And then two days later… you broke up with me.”

 

There was silence as the two looked at each other, green eyes into grey as everything they could have been settled heavily between them. 

“I had to,” Virgil finally choked out, voice barely above a whisper “You know I had to, Roman, we weren’t happy!”

“Are we happy now?” Roman asked, his voice cold.  Virgil glared, feeling his heckles rising.

“That’s not fair,” his voice was just as cold and he stared Roman down. 

“It’s perfectly fair, actually, _Grim_ Burton.  We were happy before, we could be happy again.” Roman’s voice was getting louder and Virgil’s temper was rising with it.

“Oh wake _up_ , Roman!” he snapped, scowling and getting to his feet.  Roman immediately got up too, his face a little flushed. “That’s not how real life goes and you know it.”

“ _Really_?! Then, pray tell, how does it go?”

“LIKE THIS!” Virgil actually shouted, then he closed his eyes, taking a steadying breath as his heart pounded in his chest.  “People break up, Roman.  And they spend time apart.  And maybe they get back together, maybe they don’t, but not without working on themselves first.  You can’t just… not deal with any of your issues and then expect to get back together and for everything to be fine,” his voice had turned soft again as he looked into Roman’s face imploringly, trying to make him see. 

Roman sighed heavily, his breathing still coming quickly, but Virgil could see the fire in his eyes fading away with each second.

“I thought we were gonna get married,” he said softly, staring at a patch of carpet by Virgil’s left foot.  Virgil felt a sharp twist in his stomach at that.

“Roman, I…” but he just waved him off, sitting down again with his eyes still fixed on the floor. 

Slowly, Virgil lowered himself back down to the couch, sinking into the cushions and letting the weight of the silence settle over him. 

“It’s not like I wanted this.” When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet, almost a whisper, but Roman looked up nonetheless.  “I hate this as much as you do, Ro, I really, really do.  But we couldn’t go on like we were.”

“Couldn’t we have tried to fix it?  Instead of this?” Roman’s voice was so tiny, his eyes betraying the smallest flicker of hope as he looked at Virgil, but Virgil shook his head.

“Roman, we _are_ trying to fix it.  I wasn’t lying when I said I’d wait for you… I just need time,” his voice was soft too. 

“But, can’t we fix it together?” he asked, his eyes wide.  Virgil shook his head again.

“No, Roman, I can’t.  I need to do this by myself-”

“But _why_?”

“Because I can’t do this to you anymore!” Roman fell silent when Virgil snapped at him again.  “I cannot keep putting you through this, Roman.  That’s why.” Roman sighed, looking away. 

“You have a mental illness, it’s not your fault, Virge,” he said gently.

“Yes it is.  And I will get better, but until then… this is how it has to be,” Virgil kept his eyes trained on the ground, feeling a dull ache in his empty chest.  “And if, somewhere down the line I’m well enough to be with you, and you still want me then that’s what we’ll do, and I will wait for you, I promise.  But for now, this is it,” he closed his eyes tightly, willing the tears away before he opened them again to look at Roman. 

He was so beautiful it almost hurt to look at him, all tan skin and sparkling eyes and huge smiles and adventure and possibility. 

“You should look at it as an opportunity,” he said softly.  Roman frowned, looking at him in confusion.  “I just mean, take this time for you, be by yourself, figure out who you are and what you need and all that crap.  Right now your heart is an empty room, and you can make that room whatever you want.” Roman sighed but nodded too.

“There’s always going to be a space there that’s just for you,” he said quietly.  Virgil smiled and moved a little closer, slowly taking Roman’s hand in his own and squeezing.

“And I’ll always have a space for you too,” he said it slowly and looked into Roman’s eyes so that he’d know he meant it, and Roman smiled genuinely for the first time since they’d started. 

They looked at each other for a moment, each with a slightly new understanding of the other, before Roman squeezed his hand gently and then let go, standing up and then waiting for Virgil to do the same, which he did.

“I better get back to studying,” Roman’s voice was tired, but he looked almost happy.  Virgil nodded.

“Yeah, I better get back to… doing nothing,” he shrugged but smiled when Roman huffed a laugh. 

“I’ll see you later, Storm Cloud.” And with that, Roman turned and left, heading back upstairs feeling a little freer and a little lighter. 

“See you later, Princey,” Virgil murmured, watching him go and with him went a piece of his heart.

He could only hope one day he would come back to him, but only time would tell and as he sat down again he smiled feeling excitement instead of dread for the first time to find out what the answer would be.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Just a disclaimer, this is a work of fiction and it is in no way suggesting that you can't be in a relationship while dealing with a mental illness, or that mental illness is in any way the fault of the person suffering from it. Virgil alludes to these things in this fic because he is mentally ill and still has a long way to go and a lot of negative thinking to work on. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also yes, this is 100% a vent fic. 
> 
> The song it is named after is by Death Cab for Cutie from their album Plans. I strongly recommend you check it out, it's great. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoOUZxWlFlc


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